By: Karen Schwartz Triana LMHC
In any relationship, whether you’re newly dating, married for decades, or somewhere in between, communication is the heartbeat of connection. Yet, so often we find ourselves misheard, misunderstood, or emotionally disconnected from the person we love most. At Caliper Wellness in New Port Richey, FL, we specialize in helping individuals and couples rebuild connection using tools grounded in the science of relationship health—like active listening, one of the cornerstone skills from the Gottman Method.
What Is Active Listening—and Why Does It Matter?
Active listening is more than just hearing your partner’s words. It’s about being fully present, engaged, and attuned to what they’re saying—and what they’re feeling. It entails holding back your own internal responses long enough to fully comprehend what your partner is trying to say.
The Gottman Institute, renowned for decades of research on relationship success, highlights active listening as a core skill in building “Love Maps”—the deep understanding of your partner’s inner world. When partners feel seen and heard, trust and intimacy grow. When they don’t, conflict escalates and emotional distance widens.
The Gottman Approach: Turning Toward Instead of Away
One of the Gottman Method’s most powerful insights is that healthy couples “turn toward” each other’s bids for connection instead of turning away or against them. A bid can be as simple as “Did you see that bird?” or as significant as “I’m feeling really overwhelmed.”
Here’s how active listening helps you turn toward your partner:
- Pause Your Agenda
Instead of planning your response or jumping in with advice, slow down. Ask yourself, “What is my partner really needing right now?” - Reflect and Validate
Use phrases like:
- “What I hear you saying is…”
- “That makes sense, given what you’ve been going through.”
- “It sounds like you felt really hurt when that happened.”
- Ask Open-Ended Questions
Gottman-trained therapists encourage curiosity over defensiveness. Try:
- “What was that like for you?”
- “What do you need from me right now?”
- “Can you help me understand what that brought up for you?”
Why Active Listening Can Be Hard—and How Therapy Can Help
Let’s be honest: When emotions are high, it’s not easy to slow down and listen. You may be tired from arguing the same point over and over again, or you could be struggling with years of miscommunications.
This is where Caliper Wellness comes in.
As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I’ve seen how couples transform when they learn to listen with empathy instead of defense, curiosity instead of critique. Using Gottman-informed therapy, I guide couples step-by-step to shift from reactive to receptive communication—often with profound results.
How You Can Start Today
Want to start building better communication right now? Try this Gottman-inspired Listening Exercise at home:
- Choose a low-stress moment and one partner shares something on their mind for 5 minutes.
- The other partner listens without interrupting, then reflects back what they heard.
- Switch roles.
Then ask:
- “Did I get it right?”
- “Is there more?”
- “How can I support you?”
It’s simple—but not always easy. And that’s why having a professional support system like Caliper Wellness can make the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.
You Deserve a Relationship Where You Feel Heard
At Caliper Wellness, we’re passionate about helping people in New Port Richey and surrounding areas create stronger, healthier, and more connected relationships. Whether you’re navigating a communication breakdown, trying to rebuild trust, or simply want to grow closer, learning active listening with a Gottman-informed counselor can open the door to a new chapter.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s build the relationship you both deserve—one conversation at a time.